subplotkudzu | Spider Man 3... and other icky goop

Went to see the 3rrd installment in Sam Rami's Spidey sequence last weekend and walked away as un-enthused as I expected. There were parts of the movie that worked really well but all told it's a bloated, confusing mess. Which is a crying shame, because the 2nd movie made it look like Rami knew how to beat the curse of the bloated super-sequel.

Spider Man stories have two plot threads - the villain and Peter's personal life - and draw their motive force from the tension of trying to balance his responsibility between the two. Hollywood types have their usual belief that this isn't enough, but Rami beat that back in the 2nd movie by devoting a lot of time and care to Dr. Octopus, letting Alfred Molina infuse the character with a tragic nobility. They could also do it by, ya'know, making a shorter movie (what happened to 90 minute running times? This one ran 2 houurs, 20 minutes). Instead this time around they had the personal life and THREE villains, one of whom, Venom, is about as interesting as carpet lint for all of his bygone popularity.

They tried to make you care about Sandman the way they succeeded with Doc Ock, but they never gave Mark Hayden Church the time he needed to do that. Also, they shoved in the most boring predictable Hollywood super-hero movie cliché ever to give Peter additional reasons to fight the villain - as if he needed them. I wonder, when Fantastic Four 2 comes out will we learn that Silver Surfer killed Johnny and Sues father, just to get that all important 'avenging your dad' element? (That would be silly, because everyone knows the Skrulls killed Johnny and Sue's dad. . . )

So what should they have done?

Harry Osborn still wants vengeance on Spidey, and at the end of #2 he has access to Peter's secret ID and Green Goblin's equipment. He's also just a touch unbalanced. Rather than experiment directly on himself he gets some Oscorp scientists to study the stuff to find ways to destroy Peter's life. The first thing this produces is the Scorpion suit, so Harry down on his luck ex-con Mac Gargan to use as a catspaw against Spidey. Meanwhile Harry starts demolishing Peters life from a distance with his family fortune: he applies pressure to get Peter's student loans withdrawn, he gets MJ booted out of her show while seducing her. Then, using some blood samples from Peter, his scientists perfect the black symbiote suit. This makes Spidey stronger and faster, and makes the time being spider-man more enjoyable. The idea is to turn the last movie on its head - have Peter struggle with whether he wants to remain being Peter Parker.

As Spidey chases after Scorpion (with Eddie Brock from the Bugle covering the story), the anger-enhancing aspect of the suit means Spidey makes a mistake and hurts someone. The Bugle pounces, and Harry has now destroyed everything that matters to Peter - his school, job, love life and now Spider-Man's reputation. With Norman's ghost cackling in the mirror Harry unveils new Goblin armor so he can be there for the kill. Rather than limping off, however, Peter figures out how to get rid of the suit, and with a clearer head determines what's going on. Cue three way battle between Goblin, Scorpion and Spider Man, with Scorpion attacking both having learned that his suit can never come off. Enter Mary Jane on the scene to give Harry the impetus for a change of heart/snap back to sanity.

After the credits we see Eddie Brock find a pile of black goo, which jumps out at him in the last scene of the film, cuing things up for using Venom in movie 4.

Spider Man 3... and other icky goop

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